Christmas 2017 menu update!
After three years our very popular menu will see some changes. Some of our more popular ingredients have become impossible to source. This has forced us to make some menu changes. Fear not! We have studiously tested and retested the new menu and we feel confident you will be as pleased with the new menu as you were with the old. We also feel the old menu needed some updating, not that there was anything wrong with the classics!
Before I get into the new menu I’d once again like to apologize for not being able to serve Mr. Angry Man. For those who were not patronizing us that night, I will explain. After the unfortunate incident with the fresh monkey brains we decided any primate based meals would need thorough testing.
We sent a series of blood and tissue samples to a nearby laboratory.
The results were most disappointing. They showed that Mr. Angry Man was infected with a particularly nasty strain of syphilis, genital warts, herpes and several kinds of parasites. (We think this might of been what made Mr. Angry Man so angry.) Genetic testing showed his strain of syphilis was found only in the lower bowel of Lincoln Longwool sheep. As we understand it, after receiving this news Mrs Angry Man immediately stabbed Mr. Angry Man in the neck with a meat fork. Twenty seven times.
(We think Mr. Angry Man was the cause of Mrs. Angry Man’s anger.)
After a long period of time in biological isolation unit of the morgue Mr. Angry Man’s corpse was cremated. We were going to spread his ashes on the beach at Carkeek Park but while out on bond Mrs. Angry Man picked up his remains and dumped his ashes into a porta potty at a local construction site. Apparently unlawfully disposing of human remains has been added to her charges. She is no longer out on bail. While we here at Seattle Eats Home Restaurant can not condone violence, we do wish Mrs. Angry Man the very best of luck with her court proceedings.
Christmas 2017 extravaganza dinner at Seattle Eats Home Restaurant:
Killer whale tartar.
We were very fortunate to be able to make a deal with a Vancouver Island native band. They used their traditional hunting rights along with a traditional canoe to hunt and kill a local killer whale.
We donated a significant sum to the band and to the hunters to get twenty pounds of prime killer whale meat. These majestic mammals grow up to twelve thousand pounds. To ensure the exclusivity of this meal, after the hunters remove the choice twenty pounds of meat the hunters will poison the rest of carcass, then burn it.
Pacific Northwest Spotted Owl, barbecued and served with hearts of romaine lettuce, diced avocado in a special (secret) dressing (made with endangered Pacific Rock Fish roe!).
Spotted owl egg drop soup made with a clear spotted owl consume. We believe this is the last time this dish will be available as the supply seems to have dried up. It seems Futurama was wrong.
The second soup (or alternate) will be harbour seal fetus and goose barnacles chowder.
A very special treat, we have what we believe is the very last Tasmanian Tiger from Australia.
We will strip the tenderloins, cut them into small steaks and serve them rare, pan fried in butter.
We also procured dolphin captured in Taiji cove, Japan. The dolphin will be sliced paper thin, prepared in lime juice and served with wasabi. The entrees will be served with local seasonal vegetables.
In an un-named South American country a small critically endangered pika lives in the alpine meadows of a small range of mountains. These few remaining pika live almost exclusively on the equally rare small yellow strawberries. The pika forage for what yellow strawberries they can then hibernate until the next season. The pika are so desirous of the strawberries they often fight over the best feeding areas. We managed to contract with some locals to pick the entire seasons crop and ship them to us, packed in dry ice, by air mail. The yellow strawberries will arrive fresh just in time for our annual Christmas dinner. They will be served with white chocolate whipped cream mousse. Since we have picked the entire regions supply and they keep for only a few days, we will be giving our guests an extra desert that they can take home as well as (based on estimated yields) six – one pint jars of yellow strawberry preserves.
As a bonus each patron will get a custom made set of driving gloves made with the hide of the pikas.
We look forward to another exciting Christmas meal with you!